Possessions, Experiences etc
I kept myself at the centre of my previous two blog posts. Although the purpose of doing that was to demonstrate that I’m following the “conscious” approach in my life — the approach that I was previously proposing — skin in the game et al; I do realize that they may have come across as excessively narcissistic. So, I’m taking a break from that series this time around and talking about a topic that has been on my mind for a couple of years now.
When we moved from Mumbai to Pune about eight years back, we took up an apartment in Pune which was about double the size of our Mumbai apartment — partly because Pune real estate scene was (and still is) cheaper and partly because the baseline sizes in Pune were higher. From a 2-bedroom apartment, we moved to a 3.5-bedroom room apartment. For the first 6+ years, we hardly used one of those bedrooms — with the WFH mode from early 2020, we started using the third bedroom as well. In the beginning, the apartment felt way too big for us until we got used to it. Any additional satisfaction of moving into far less constrained abode eroded away in matter of months. Today, we are struggling to accommodate ourselves in this apartment. While I did not change my TV or car in a while, I’m sure one would have similar experience when one upgrades to a bigger TV or a Car. This tends to happen when we acquire material possessions.
In the end of February 2020 (just before Corona era), I went on a short trekking expedition of two days which turned out to be the most thrilling experience of my life. It is a trek in the higher ranges of the Western Ghats in Maharashtra called Alang-Madan-Kulang (AMK) trek — a quick google search can provide a ton of details on this trek. It is considered to be among the most dangerous treks in Maharashtra, a fact I did not know when I signed up for it. For someone who is afraid of heights, this trek made me face one of my most primal fears — contend with it and get to its other side. My palms sweat just thinking about it. One thing for sure, I went into the trek as one person and came out as a completely different person. I don’t think I can ever get tired of talking about this trek.
Similarly, I derive great levels of comfort and satisfaction whenever I recall my first full marathon race or the one time, my kids and I got lost in a jungle — not too far from Lonavla, Maharashtra.
No wonder it is generally said that accumulating experiences may lead to more satisfaction than accumulating material possessions.
For the scientifically minded, this is supported by research advances in the field of behavioral psychology. For the commercially minded, this has been known intuitively to the marketing strategists for a long time and for the “meta” folks, this is incorporated, generally, as a key tenet in most, if not all, the world’s large/significant spiritual traditions.
“What we possess is temporary, but what we become is permanent.” — Devdutt Pattanaik
So, why does this happen? I’m sure there may be multiple schools of thought that aim to explain this but the one that appealed to me is what I learnt from hearing an interview of Thomas Gilovich. Past experiences can be invoked in our minds at will and the satisfaction that we derived the first time around can be relived in almost its entirety, in each of these recalls.
Whereas with material objects, our satisfaction reaches a crescendo at the time of acquisition of a coveted material object and then it abates as we get used to the new possession. The increased satisfaction levels don’t endure much into the future. Think back to the acquisition of your last significant material possession and try to relate your experience.
“On books and friends, I spend my money; For stones and bricks I haven’t any.” ― Ruskin Bond
I think there is a catch though: for an experience to have this kind of an effect, it must have involved an extraordinary challenge — there has to be a strong emotional angle attached. Not all experiences qualify here.
Here is an idea: in the context of career paths, we often associate career progress with two things:
- Higher title
- Higher salary
Both of these are essentially materialistic in nature. It does not take long for our mind to get used to the acquisition of these material items and our baseline gets set to this level. What I have not seen is the articulation and celebration of the experience one undergoes in progressing one’s career. After all, no one progresses by maintaining status quo. In all likelihood, one has taken on more challenging opportunities, operated at the edge of their boundaries and pushed their boundaries. One struggles but comes through on top at the end. You end up with increased capabilities and competence, you end up becoming more confident and more assured of yourself. This experience has potential to create enduring satisfaction. If this aspect gets focused on — during the course of the “promotion” period and also when the actual career promotion happens, there is a good chance of increasing satisfaction levels in the whole career management process.
In any case, as we chart the course of our lives, it is perhaps better to affect a judicious mix of expenditure on material possessions and investment in memorable experiences.
To be sure, do not get me wrong — material possessions are essential and as such, should be procured but the marginal value created by increased dimensions of these possessions tend to wilt quite quickly and they generally do not stand the test of endurance anyway. A bigger TV gets you to see others’ lives pass by on larger screens, cannot create your own experiences.
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.” — Oscar Wilde
