Perception is reality

photo by Mandar Khire

Let me start with two examples of misperception:

1. You may be familiar with the anecdote of the six blindmen and the elephant where each blindman perceives elephant differently — one thinks of it as a tree-bark, another a hose etc (do a quick google search for full account of this)

2. In a Seth Godin’s Youtube video where he addressed a Nordic business forum, he gave an excellent example. Bats below look rather unremarkable in their natural habitat (hanging upside down would have been remarkable for anything other than bats) but when you turn the picture upside down, the same bats seem to be engaging us — as if getting ready to pose for a picture.

(natural)

(upside down)

The above two examples show that one’s perception can drastically differ from reality.

Until a few years ago, often I used to think “……. but that is her/his perspective”. My reality was something else and I felt that the other person did not have a view of this reality and hence is carrying a wrong view of reality.

It just did not occur to me that the other person’s perception is her/his reality. If the other person happens to be someone who holds a significant stake in your success or well-being (e.g., a colleague and a team member, your boss, your spouse or an immediate family member), this misperception (of your reality) may turn out very costly. And hence a vital need to manage others’ perception.

Perception is formed when one’s sensory stimuli get sifted through various subjective filters: one’s values, beliefs, culture, prior experience and exposure (including vicarious experience), knowledge, architecture of brain (genes!), present state of mind and nature of relationship with the perceived. The same external stimuli will be perceived differently by different individuals. While creating a cognitive image of reality, we default to our perception as it is cognitively cheap. Conversely, it is effortful to understand others’ reality as it is cognitively expensive — no wonder, empathy is often spoken of but hardly seen or felt.

Side Note: Thanks to the leaps and bounds made by advances in quantum theory in the last 130–140 years, it is pertinent here to note that there probably is nothing like “objective” reality anyway. Reality is essentially subjective and it is formed by one’s perceptions.

If you work/operate in a distributed team set-up where you end up interacting with folks dispersed geographically, culturally and/or across time-zones, managing others’ perceptions is an essential factor for your success. More so, with the acceptance of remote work in many industries particularly after COVID-19, this factor gains lot more significance — both for individuals and institutions.

Why managing others’ perception is important:

• Managing other’s perception such that their perception matches (as closely as possible) our reality is very important because it helps with:

1. Social ease and reduced frustration
2. Higher efficiency and better outcomes
3. Improved odds at accomplishing meaningful goals
4. Better career success and personal satisfaction

• Perceptions lead to impressions that tend to become permanent views — so important to proactively manage them
• Perceptions lead to perspectives. Wrong perspectives can lead to erroneous decisions, lesser personal and organizational productivity and sub-par outcomes

“A person starts to live when he can live outside himself” — Albert Einstein

How to manage perception of others?

• Get as familiar as possible with the other person’s universe — her/his interests, aspirations, state of mind and most importantly incentives.
• Communication is key to improving other’s perception of your reality. Various aspects to consider are:

1. Mode: email, instant messenger, audio or video call, one-to-one or one-to-many or many-to-one, in-person
2. Content: to-the-point or detailed, presentation (PPT) or white board
3. Target: the individual or a team or a group
4. Frequency: regular 1–1s, status and governance meetings, daily stand-up meetings etc
5. Language: use the other person’s terminology (e.g., refer to stand-up meetings as scrum meetings if the other person calls them so — sacrifice accuracy for the sake of effectiveness)

• Always remember at the back of your mind that the objective here is to project your reality into the other person’s universe

It follows that there is a strong need for organizations to reduce the costs of managing perception. Some ways of accomplishing this: create well-defined roles, well-designed organizational structures and well-specified tasks/projects and develop strong organizational culture with consistent ethos. This should be balanced with providing sufficient opportunities for serendipity and innovation (as in, do not structure to the nth level of detail!) — never easy but important.

Word of caution

Objective of managing perception is to align our objectives and interactions and to reduce social transactional and interaction costs — not to manipulate or patronize others. In my experience, manipulation and patronizing efforts will be found out sooner or later — they can never ever contribute to enduring success.